Running a small craft business from home can be massively unpredictable.  Sometimes it is ridiculously, soul destroyingly quiet.  You feel like all your efforts are ignored, double checking you did actually post that Facebook picture of your latest offering which took hours to make, because no one, not even your husband has bothered to like or comment on it.  Other times, I have been so busy all can I think about is when is it going to end so I can I have a cup of coffee and actually watch that drama everyone is talking about rather than having it play in the background whilst I work.

It can make you doubt yourself and your abilities, particularly because as a stay at home mum to my two girls, I often feel like I am neglecting my motherly duties to spend time working at something that may ultimately fail.    I dread looking back and thinking why was I fannying around playing at running a business instead of spending every minute appreciating and enriching my girls lives.  This is when I think about my lovely mum.  She was brilliant at so many things that went far beyond her scope as a stay at home mum, yet she had no confidence in herself or her abilities.  She wanted so much more for us and was forever telling us how beautiful and clever we are.

My mum is no longer with us, but whenever I feel the doubt creeping in, I try to think of how proud she would be that I’m trying.  I’m trying to do something for me, doing something I love, trusting in my abilities and having the confidence to put myself out there.  I am also setting an example for my girls, showing them that persistence and hard work can pay off.

Consistency has been one of my biggest issues so far.  My girls will always come first, so there are times, such as holidays where I am not promoting or making anything.  Not to put all the blame on my poor girls, because sometimes, frankly, I just cannot be bothered to make the time in amongst all the other jobs that have to be done.   I have always been at home since my girls were born, I have always done everything around the house, cooking, cleaning, gardening, decorating, the list goes on and on.  I don’t know how it happened because I always thought of myself as an equal opportunities kind of girl, but our household is as old fashioned as it gets.  Mummy is the homemaker and daddy goes to work.  All is well until mummy starts getting ideas about going back to work herself.

This is where I start to think is it worth the effort, because whilst I make crafts which at the moment sell for a great deal less than the time and effort it has taken to make them, my house starts to resemble a dump and the kids are eating pizza for the third time this week.  My husband doesn’t complain, but then he also doesn’t think to help by putting on a wash, or cleaning the bathroom.  Our roles have just become so defined it sometimes feels like nothing will ever change.  Perhaps if I was going out to work and bringing home a consistent wage it would be different.

Now my youngest is about to fly the nest and start school, I’m getting quite excited, as well as frequently bursting into tears when I think of her going off to school in her uniform (damn you, hormones!).  It feels like it’s time to stop dipping my toe into this business lark, and dive straight in!  I will finally have precious ‘alone time’ to get promoting and creating a bit of a media presence.  Maybe I’ll even get time to start doing some murals! Let’s hope this is the start of me winning the battle!